Under Arrest

So, um, you're looking to spice things up in the bedroom, and naturally your thoughts turn to all the scrap yarn you have in your knitting bag. Nothing's sexier than a woman in handcuffs she knit herself. Unless she's also in crotchless crocheted panties.

Damn it, now I might have to make those. In granny squares.

Nice Rock

This is a ring. The Resurrection Stone ring, as a matter of fact, inspired by the Harry Potter books. Only I don't remember anything in the books about the ring being a gigantic, cumbersome pincushion.

Sure, Harry Potter fans will love having their own Resurrection Stone to wear around like their all defeating Voldemort and shit, but ideally it would be more.. ring like. This looks more like a hacky sack.

I suppose the movie Harry sometimes gives off a grunge vibe, in his overlarge plaid flannel shirts and unkempt hair. And Snape could totally have crawled out of a Nine Inch Nails video. Still, I don't see much of a market for hacky sacks in the wizarding world. Those things are tedious even for muggles.

Leaving them Hanging

Anne Geddes is evil. There, I've said it. Actually, I've said that a lot, but never to anyone who cared to disagree, or even had an opinion on the matter. Whoever can look at a helpless, sleeping newborn and stuff it in a flower pot dressed as a bug for personal gain is one twisted chica. And thanks to her, turning babies into saccharine objet d' art is a new genre of art-for-profit.


Enter this example of DIY infant torture portraiture: the Hanging Cocoon Sling Stork Pouch photo prop.

Babies are marvelous; their faces exude a calm, exquisite beauty of life and wonderment. And what could be more beautiful than taking that simplicity and dangling it in a loosely knit produce bag? Surely, babies enjoy swinging precariously in an airy sack.


I'm pretty sure the reason these photos are always taken of babies while they're sleeping is because, were they awake, they'd be screaming. Honestly, this can't be comfortable. Babies belong in sleepers and loving arms and comfy prams - not flower pots or so-called stork pouches. Take the dog's word for it - he's so cozy in his stork pouch he's ready to bite someone in the ass.

Fancy Schmancy

Anything calling itself a 'fancy' is bound to be stupid, because 'fancy' as a noun means 'having no purpose whatsoever'. Case in point: Pom pom leg fancies.

Anyone under the age of 30 would never be caught dead wearing these things, and anyone over the age of 30 who tries should be smacked.

I'm going to keep these in my bookmarks, though, just in case marching bands become the new black.